Desperation is not a very appealing attribute in any shape or form, and a desperate restaurant is a very unappetising proposition. Unfortunately, that was definitely the atmosphere that greeted me on my arrival at Table @ Pip's — a general malaise mixed in with a dash of enforced bonhomie. The end result just left me feeling a little sorry for everyone involved. Forced to take a leaf from the restaurant’s star ingredient (crocodile) and attempt a rather fake smile when asked about my experience.
I’m no expert but I do reckon that 'slightly sad' is not the feeling you want your diners to leave with. Who’s to blame for this unhappy state of affairs? Well to be honest there are a number of culprits you could point the finger at. In fact, the cards seem so stacked against this place you wonder if Gordon Ramsay could drop by for an episode of Kitchen Nightmares when he’s over opening his new place this year.
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That’s a cheap gag and the food is certainly not as bad as many of the places covered in the above chefs TV show, yet we do feel that Table @ Pip’s would definitely benefit from the guiding hand of someone with some expertise in the restaurant trade.
We would argue that it doesn’t help that the first post you see on their Facebook page is someone claiming they owe them lots of money, but hey those Internet trolls are everywhere so we’re happy to let this one slide — they might want to remove that post though.
Instead, we would suggest the biggest problem with Table @ Pip's is the location. They used to be situated over at Lorong Kilat in a rather cosy spot but drawn by the bright lights of Orchard Road moved to the new site in August 2014. We’re not sure they made the right choice.
Buried in the second basement of Orchard Central, the new venue is not exactly easy to find and surely can’t get much passing trade to fill up the serried rows of empty white tables. Sure I visited at night when the whole floor was spookily quiet, and maybe it does get busier during the lunch hour rush, but we somehow doubt it.
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The décor does little to help the distinct lack of warmth. Aside from the intense air con (cold air sinks after all) the occasional splashes of colour can’t lift the clinical-feeling inspired by the white walls (to go with those empty tables), soulless mall-music echoing through the place and rather cheap looking plastic table mats. It’s an odd layout, too, the three main dining sections seem weirdly disconnected, whilst the glassed-off kitchen just lets you watch the bored chefs watching you.
Indeed, there’s a definite feeling of being watched, while dining at Table @ Pip's — clearly the staff are not used to customers. Unfortunately, the mood of the place seems to have got to them. The slightly gruff greeting when we arrived didn’t help, but maybe the waitress thought I was making fun of her when I said I’d made a reservation, as she balefully scanned the empty white tables stretching away into the distance.
There was certainly a slight disconnect between the friendly servers described in the menu and the team of po-faced waiters constantly hovering around us. It clearly spooked one big group of diners who bolted after five minutes of intense scrutiny.
The owner, the eponymous Philip ‘Pip’ Chua did try and raise the spirits (his or ours, we’re not sure), coming over to the table on a number of occasions to discuss the dishes or crack a (slightly lame) joke but he rather spoilt the mood by then going and doing some paperwork at the table next to us.
Clearly, though, he’s drilled his staff about the importance of clearing up. Throughout the meal, finished plates were whisked away with a speed that was truly impressive, regardless of where the other diners were at with their meal.
The highlight had to be when my two dinner partners had their finished main courses and cutlery removed as I continued to battle through my gargantuan portion of crocodile ribs. To add insult to injury, Pip himself came over to ask them what they wanted for dessert, as I was still chewing. Maybe, he was expecting a huge mob to descend on the place imminently and wanted to get us out the way, sharpish to make room. It all meant there was nothing casual about the experience.
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So, you may well have noticed that we’ve got this far in the food review without mentioning the actual food but, alas, it’s in danger of getting lost among the other oddities of the place. To tell the truth it’s actually not bad, if prone to a general over-sweetness, and on the plus side is very reasonably priced and generously portioned.
That’s not to say there are no quirks, Pip has a distinctive take on dishes and there is the little matter of the crocodile they serve up. Pip’s Garden Green Salad ($8.90) is pretty straightforward to start, though the raspberry vinaigrette ends up being a little too acidic and rather overpowers the crisp lettuce, cherry tomatoes and slivers of parmesan. We’re also not sure quite why we ended up with cranberries, though they were pleasant enough. The Escargot Bourguignon ($9.90 for four pieces / $17.90 for eight pieces) was also OK, the meaty mushrooms going well with the slightly watery snails, though we would have liked some more of the accompanying sauce.
Mains are also perfectly serviceable, if not stellar. The duck confit ($19.90) is just a tad on the dry side but the vegetables are well cooked and have a satisfying crunch. The Fruity Fish Fillet ($18.90) is more experimental, featuring cream dory stuffed with glazed apple and lemon zest and served with blueberry butter sauce and garnished with candy bacon. It’s a big piece of moist fish, a rare example of a dish tasting much better than it sounds, with a nice light balance of flavours that work surprisingly well together.
And as for the famous crocodile ribs ($29.90)? Well I guess it depends whether you’ve dined on these reptiles before or not. We have and were left rather indifferent by the experience. In general, crocodile meat has the texture of chicken with a slight fishy aroma, so like most chicken really lives or dies by the sauces it comes with. In the case of my ribs (which were huge — definitely a dish to share) the BBQ sauce was just too sweet for my taste, making the whole thing a slightly chewy effort, though the French fries were great.
As an alternative I could have tried the crocodile in a burger format (a new introduction to the menu), but I really don’t think I’d bother, though that’s more to do with the meat then the chef. We’ve already mentioned that Pip’s sweet tooth is apparent in some of his main dishes but this really comes through (in a mostly good way) with the desserts.
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The flowerpot tiramisu with milo ($11.90) is very saccharine, and you should look out for hard lumps, but the addition of the mint leaves does actually make it an interesting twist on this classic. The crème brule oregano ($8.90) is less successfully inventive, with little taste of oregano in the perfectly serviceable brule and, sin of sins, no crunchy top. The highlight, is actually the more traditional bread and butter pudding ($8.90), which Pip assured us had won awards; we can see why.
To end on such a high note did leave us slightly confused, though. There’s really nothing markedly wrong with the food and it can be pretty good at times. It’s also pretty affordable and there are some very attractive lunch and dinner sets, starting from just $15 for two courses.
Yet, despite it all I probably wouldn’t return. The food just isn’t good enough, whatever the price to lift the gloomy atmosphere, intense service and cold surroundings. Maybe we got it all wrong, got them on a very bad, very, very slow night. But we just don’t want to take the risk, we simply can’t take the emotional stress that we’d end up experiencing another meal that leaves us feeling so desperate.
Coconut’s Critics Table reviews are written based on unannounced visits by our writers and paid for by Coconuts Singapore. No freebies here.
Table @ Pip's is at #B2-11/22 Orchard Central, 181 Orchard Rd., 6467-6867. Open Mon — Fri for lunch 11am — 3pm and dinner —10.30pm, Sat - Sun 11am — 10:30pm.
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